I assured them our church was different

We Did: Stories of United Methodists living marriage equality

By Rev. Doug Cunningham

cunningham-photoWhen I first invited Amanda to church, she was not interested.  She explained that the last time she’d been to worship, the priest had taken the occasion of Christmas Eve to criticize homosexuality.  Amanda, who is a lesbian, told her family she would wait in the car.

I assured her that our church was different.  And one Sunday morning, she joined us for worship.  She was inspired enough to bring her partner Smiley with her to the next service, and they became regulars.  When we started a Bible Study, they were two of the first to sign up.   And when they told me they were planning to get married, and that they wanted me to officiate at their wedding, I was delighted.  We met several times for marriage counseling and planned the ceremony for October 14, 2011.

When I arrived at the Josephine Butler Center on the big day, I found the two of them in a back room.  They were anxious about declaring their love for each other in front of so many family members and friends.  But when the two of them entered the room to begin the ceremony, any anxiety melted away in their joyful radiance.  The presence of the Spirit of God was as palpable as I have ever experienced it at a wedding.  The ceremony, especially their vows, was deeply moving and the congregation broke into joyful applause.

At the reception, one man told hilarious stories about introducing Smiley to the gay dating scene when she first moved to New York City.  Her aunt from Mississippi came up next to share a song Smiley’s grandmother used to sing to her when she was a child. It was inspiring to see people from such a broad spectrum unite around this beloved new couple.

In a recent email Amanda wrote, “I’m so glad we’re married!  …I’m grateful to have had that blessing from you, the church, our friends and family.  It brings a depth and meaning to our relationship that supports us in tough times and encourages us in good ones.”

Doug Cunningham is pastor of New Day United Methodist Church.

We Did is a project of Methodists in New Directions (MIND) dedicated to making visible our ministries to LGBTQ people and encouraging others in the UMC to transcend the institutional requirement to discriminate and make their ministries visible, too. It is part of the Biblical Obedience movement sweeping across the United Methodist Church. You can read all the We Did stories here.  We invite you to submit your own story to We Did. 

They didn’t want to wait any longer

We Did: Stories of United Methodists living marriage equality 

By Rev. Karen Eiler

eiler-photo-2Paolo and Kemper were brought to Memorial United Methodist Church by the rainbow flag on our lawn.  Paolo works in White Plains and had driven by here.  He’s from Italy, was raised Catholic, and was divorced.  He knew he couldn’t go to a Catholic church asking for his wedding to Kemper—for several reasons.  But he saw our rainbow flag and came in looking for a priest.

What he found that day was Memorial’s friend Julie Carran, co-chair of the board of the Westchester Martin Luther King Jr. Institute for Nonviolence, whose office is down the hall from mine.  She greeted him, showed him around a little bit, and took down his contact information.  I called back that day.

We traded lots of phone calls.  We met and talked, and I just loved these guys (which, of course, is not a pre-requisite for the ministries of the church—but it does make it more fun).   Their original plan was for an elegant wedding at a private chapel on September 21, followed by a gorgeous reception at their home.  But their house was under construction, and things happened, and they decided to wait until summer 2014 for the big celebration, at which I will be privileged to officiate.

But they still wanted to get married on their original date.  They were ready, and they didn’t want to wait any longer.  They wanted to claim the benefits society and governments confer upon married couples.  Paolo has teenaged children, and they wanted to be a legal family.  They were going to do only a civil ceremony for now, but I mentioned that I could do both.  With just a week to go, we decided to hold the service at Memorial.

The day before the wedding, I realized I hadn’t officially gotten permission from the church council.  When I called in a slight panic, our council chair reminded me that Memorial has already given that permission, as a Covenant of Conscience-signing church in our conference.

We, United Methodist congregations, refuse to discriminate in the sacraments and rituals provided to our members and pledge the full and equal use of our facilities as we welcome and celebrate equally all couples and the families they may choose to create.

So on Saturday, September 21, 2013, by the beautiful stained-glass windows that include a portrait of John Wesley, I officiated at Kemper and Paolo’s wedding.  Julie Carran was their witness.  And I was so moved by their love that I could hardly get them through the vows.

That day it was just the four of us.  Paolo and Kemper want all their friends and family to be excited about the wedding next summer, and if they had invited anyone to this earlier ceremony, they felt they would have to invite everyone.  This first wedding reception was a wonderful lunch together, at which we dreamed of a future when an event like this will draw no extraordinary notice.

They were in church the next morning to celebrate with the whole congregation.  And next summer, is there ever going to be a party!

Karen Eiler is pastor at Memorial United Methodist Church.

We Did is a project of Methodists in New Directions (MIND) dedicated to making visible our ministries to LGBTQ people and encouraging others in the UMC to transcend the institutional requirement to discriminate and make their ministries visible, too. It is part of the Biblical Obedience movement sweeping across the United Methodist Church. You can read all the We Did stories here.  We invite you to submit your own story to We Did.

 

My passion for justice was greater than my fear

We Did: Stories of United Methodists living marriage equality

By Rev. Rafael Garcia

garcia-photo-3Early in April 2004 Father Luis Barrios, an Episcopal priest in charge of the San Romero de la Américas Church and a friend of mine for several years, invited me and other priests and pastors to participate and co-celebrate with him in the wedding of Dámaris Ortega, a United Church of Christ pastor, and her loving partner Rosario M. López-Rivera. At the time of the invitation, I was aware of the position of the United Methodist Church and what the Book of Discipline states about its clergy participating in same-sex weddings. Yes, I was a little afraid of the consequences of defying the law of the church, but at the same time my passion for justice was greater than my fear.

Father Barrios shared with me the importance of making a statement of inclusiveness, justice, and love to el Barrio community (Spanish Harlem) by celebrating this wedding. I remember arriving at St. Mary’s Episcopal Church on 126th Street and encountering a great crowd of beautiful and happy people running, talking, arranging, putting everything together for the wedding and reception. I felt at that moment an amazing spirit of solidarity and joy and was glad I was going to be part of this historical event.

When Father Barrios and I were at the altar ready to celebrate, the bridal couple appeared and the crowd began to cheer and clap. It was indeed a true story of love. The brides looked beautiful and a little nervous, like many other couples I have married, and the sanctuary was finally filled with complete joy. The two brides moved closer to the altar and their expressions of joy and excitement signaled their readiness to engage in a loving relationship. Father Barrios and I began the ceremony.

The celebration included everything one sees in a wedding ceremony: declaration of intention, vows, exchange of rings, prayers, songs, communion, benediction, etc. But this one was unique for it showed how the traditional symbols of Christian marriage also affirm the love and commitment of two women for each other. These symbols reminded us that God’s blessing on two people getting married was not about their gender or sexuality or for that matter about anything that defines a person’s identity in society, but about their passion, love, respect, care, and commitment for each other – and that no person or institution should get in their way.

Rafael Garcia is pastor of the Spanish an English congregation of Hempstead United Methodist Church.

We Did is a project of Methodists in New Directions (MIND) dedicated to making visible our ministries to LGBTQ people and encouraging others in the UMC to transcend the institutional requirement to discriminate and make their ministries visible, too. It is part of the Biblical Obedience movement sweeping across the United Methodist Church. You can read all the We Did stories here.  We invite you to submit your own story to We Did. 

Warm hearts in a three-car garage on a cold winter day

We Did: Stories of United Methodists living marriage equality 

By Rev. Janet Porcher

The first same-sex marriage I officiated at was in the winter of 1986. I was the pastor/director of the United Methodist Outreach Center in Far Rockaway, Queens. It was a mission that began in 1983.

An old newspaper photo of the Far Rockaway mission
An old newspaper photo of the Far Rockaway mission

The mission was a three-car garage with a bathroom, small kitchen, dining room and a separate room 8 x 12 feet. On the second floor were three rooms.  It was a place where those in need could come for help. The three-car garage served as a sanctuary for worship, Bible study and fellowship.  The other rooms served as places to eat, shower, and receive counseling, food, and clothing. We provided counseling for people with HIV as well as those with substance abuse issues; we also housed AA and NA meetings. The sanctuary in winter was used to shelter the homeless.

In January of 1986 I was approached by two women each in their 40s who had been coming to the mission for several weeks.  The two women had been friends for several years.  One of them asked me if God forgave everyone and loved everyone. In the conversation that followed they shared with me that they were more than friends, that they loved each other, and asked if I would marry them.  Since my understanding of God is of a Creator that loves all that He/She created, I said, “Yes.”

The marriage took place on Valentine’s Day, February 14, 1986. It was cold and there was snow on the ground.  However the garage, our sanctuary, was warm. It had carpeting and was complete with pews, an altar and pulpit.   Some of those who came to the mission brought Valentine’s hearts and adorned the altar and communion rail with them.   I had had two counseling sessions with the couple. They had chosen Paul’s I Corinthians chapter 13 as the scripture to be read. The ceremony was well attended, and we had a small reception afterwards with a heart-shaped cake!   It may have been winter outside, but it was warm inside for ‘The Son’ was shining!

My personal faith and theology have always been that of a God who emulates  our United Methodist mantra “Open Hearts, Open Minds, Open Doors.” Our Creator God is a rainbow God who loves all He/She created, and The Son Jesus is our brother who welcomes ALL to follow Him and sit with Him.

It will be a joyous day when our Book of Discipline moves to reflect this.

Janet Porcher is a retired elder in the New York Annual Conference.

We Did is a project of Methodists in New Directions (MIND) dedicated to making visible our ministries to LGBTQ people and encouraging others in the UMC to transcend the institutional requirement to discriminate and make their ministries visible, too. It is part of the Biblical Obedience movement sweeping across the United Methodist Church. You can read all the We Did stories here.  We invite you to submit your own story to We Did.