The congregation burst into thunderous applause

We Did: Stories of United Methodists living marriage equality

By Rev. Sara Lamar-Sterling
lama-sterling-photo
Photo credit: Dave Sanders

One of the most powerful moments in ministry is standing with a loving couple, shepherding them through their vows to love and to cherish, for better or for worse.  It is such a bold, intimate, vulnerable yet public proclamation.

On October 6, 2012, I shared in the joyful privilege of uniting two dear friends, Dorothee Benz and Carol Scott, in marriage.  Theirs was one of those weddings that’s really all joy and so little work.  I offer couples the opportunity to be as creative and engaged with the ceremony details as they’d like to be.  Benz and Carol enjoyed planning their ceremony. They did it all with grace and cheer, nothing like reality show Bridezillas, and even chose to recite their declaration of intent and their vows from memory.  They did not forget any of their lines on that important day, a feat few couples accomplish.  Their love, grace, and kindness towards one another and others are ever present, and they came to the rite of marriage already understanding that they are part of a community and that their marriage helps to build up and strengthen community.  When I think of what is best about Christian marriages, it’s couples like Benz and Carol that come to mind.

But it took eight years for them to get to the altar. It was eight years since Carol had first proposed to Benz, eight years during which we fought for legal marriage in New York State and Connecticut and then we fought to make marriage possible in the UMC through We do! Methodists Living Marriage Equality.  This made it all the more special to stand with them in the sanctuary of Asbury UMC that day last October as they exchanged vows and rings.  More than one guest said it was the most moving wedding they had ever been to.  When I pronounced the couple married, the congregation burst into thunderous applause.  There was so much joy and celebration in that sanctuary as I watched this happy couple walk down the aisle together into a new life and a future filled with hope, peace, and equality.  May God continue to bless them and the love they have for each other.

No matter the threats of trials and expulsion, there are United Methodist clergy who refuse to discriminate against gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people, and we will continue to marry loving couples regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Sara Lamar-Sterling is an elder in the New York Annual Conference serving in extension ministry as a chaplain at Yale New Haven Hospital and  as the volunteer recruitment and training coordinator for Interfaith Volunteer Caregivers of Greater New Haven.

We Did is a project of Methodists in New Directions (MIND) dedicated to making visible our ministries to LGBTQ people and encouraging others in the UMC to transcend the institutional requirement to discriminate and make their ministries visible, too. It is part of the Biblical Obedience movement sweeping across the United Methodist Church. You can read all the We Did stories here.  We invite you to submit your own story to We Did. 

I was sure I was a real part of the ministry of Jesus Christ

We Did: Stories of United Methodists living marriage equality

By Rev. Kenneth Prill
Kenneth Prill, at right holding the banner, has continued his witness for equality in retirement, in South Carolina.
Kenneth Prill, at right holding the banner, has continued his witness for equality in retirement, in South Carolina.

What began as a weekend barbeque in my cousin Joann’s back yard culminated a little over a year later in one of the most Spirit-filled, love-confirming and ordination-fulfilling events of my entire thirty-two years of pastoral ministry.  Joy Lynne Magill and Jo Ann Cannisi were very good friends of my cousin Joann Spencer since their days in high school.  They had been invited, along with my wife Sylvia and me, to Joann’s afternoon barbeque.  I knew that Joy and Jo Ann were lesbian, and had been in a loving, committed relationship for quite some time.   Their excitement regarding the discussion and debate in the New York State legislature about what would become the Marriage Equality Act completely enveloped them.  “When it becomes legal that same-sex couples can marry, would you marry us, Ken?” they asked.  Without thinking twice, I said, “Provided you’ll go through some grueling pre-marital counseling sessions with me just like any other couple, I’m in!”

The Marriage Equality Act (thank God!) passed both houses of the New York legislature, and was signed into law by Gov. Andrew Cuomo on June 24, 2011.  The anticipated telephone call from Joy and Jo Ann came almost immediately.  A schedule of pre-marital counseling sessions was set, with the ceremony to take place on October 2, 2011.  I was determined to treat them as any other loving couple coming to me to be married, as I had with over 100 couples before them.  Their ceremony would be as special as I could make it for them, yet it would be in many ways as common as all the other marriages of which I was privileged to have been a part.

October 2 seemed to come quickly, and there we were on the roof of Vetro Catering in Howard Beach, Queens.  As the ceremony began on that cool evening, it started to rain.  With umbrellas opened we began, but not even a hurricane could have dampened the spirits and the Spirit that day.  My only adjustment to the liturgy was a shorter sermon!  We were all in God’s presence and struck by this momentous event, and I was absolutely sure that I was a real part of the ministry of Jesus Christ.  It was a glorious celebration of life and love, as it should have been.  We laughed and we cried for joy and for Joy (and Jo Ann)—God was so happy!

Progress is often extremely slow in the world around us, and certainly within the United Methodist Church.  Many positions formerly taken by so-called “conservatives” within our denomination and even within our New York Conference have been rightfully banished to the dustbin of history and forever eliminated from our thinking and practice.  It is my fervent hope and prayer that the discriminatory, hurtful, exclusionary and unchristian practices against our gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender brothers and sisters will also go the way of so many other formerly accepted ways of bigoted behavior.  If science tells us that our sexuality is determined by genetic and hormonal factors beyond our control, then it follows that our sexuality (whatever and whichever it is) is a gift from God—and should not be condemned, not merely accepted and condoned,  but celebrated along with God’s other gifts!

To that end, I echo what the late Rev. Richard Parker, a founding MIND steering committee member and my first district superintendent, told the New York Times once:  “Those of us who support full inclusion of gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgender persons are not interested in backing off!”                              

Kenneth Prill is a retired elder in the New York Annual Conference.

We Did is a project of Methodists in New Directions (MIND) dedicated to making visible our ministries to LGBTQ people and encouraging others in the UMC to transcend the institutional requirement to discriminate and make their ministries visible, too. It is part of the Biblical Obedience movement sweeping across the United Methodist Church. You can read all the We Did stories here.  We invite you to submit your own story to We Did. 

Dancing down the aisle

We Did: Stories of United Methodists Living Marriage Equality

By Rev. Vicki Flippin

flippin-photoNow that I live in Harlem, I rarely get to eat real Chinese food. Knowing that they share my love for all foods Asian, I have complained about my current situation to Melissa Cerezo and Serena Poon on numerous occasions. So when we met at our West Village church for premarital counseling sessions, I brought the active listening worksheets and they brought pork chops over rice and Chinese buns from Chinatown, where they live.

I first met this couple a few years ago on Easter Sunday. Looking for a down to earth, gay-friendly faith community, they stumbled upon The Church of the Village and graced us with their presence on the Day of Resurrection. A few months later, we led them in taking their first vows—of church membership.

Melissa grew up in a Filipino-American Roman Catholic family but had since become seriously “spiritual but not religious.”  Serena’s parents are the leaders of a Chinese mega-church in California. Until she came out, Serena had been in ministry for years with her family; she led a praise and worship band, taught Bible study, and was everything a pastor’s kid “should” be. After being dismissed by her parents on (allegedly) biblical grounds, Serena was burnt out on church, but Melissa jumped into Church of the Village leadership with a vengeance and led our strategic planning committee for a year, guiding us to our new mission statement (which she will recite for you by memory if you ever ask).

When they asked me to preside at their wedding, I was anxious. A few years ago, my anxiety would have been related to the fact that Serena and Melissa are a same-sex couple. I would have agonized over making the sinful decision to discriminate against beloved members (which I have done painfully before). Today, however, I no longer worry about that decision. Because of people like Amy DeLong, Frank Schaefer, and Bishop Melvin Talbert, I have joined over 1,500 other United Methodist clergy who have decided that the status of ordination means nothing unless we are willing to give it up for the sake of our pastoral call from God. For me, there was no existential anxiety about performing this ceremony. No—this time my anxiety was just good, old-fashioned intimidation at conducting such an important moment in the lives of women for whom I have such respect and admiration.

As I stood in front of the gathered congregation at the beautiful Brooklyn Society for Ethical Culture, I was full of nerves. I signaled the DJ to start the processional, P.M. Dawn’s 90s hit “Set Adrift On a Memory Bliss.” Then Melissa began her journey up the aisle, followed by Serena. They each wore beautiful white gowns, sneakers, and huge smiles. The crowd, in an emotional and spontaneous burst of joy, began cheering, and in response, Melissa and Serena threw their arms in the air and danced down the aisle. Caught up in the moment’s exuberance, I smiled and the nerves drained from my body. This was my kind of wedding.

The only moments when smiles gave way to tears were the painful acknowledgements of the absence of Serena’s parents, who have not yet accepted the new family their daughter has created. But we have faith that, even if they were not present for the wedding, there will come a day when they can be present for the marriage.

A month after the wedding, our church joined other United Methodists to be part of MIND’s annual presence in New York City’s Pride March. We walked around with our banner, waving at the gathered crowds, but—to be perfectly honest—it was rather hard for the Methodists to compete with the Brazilian LGBT group behind us, what with their awesome drums and walking dance party. That was until Melissa and Serena swooped in like rock stars, joining us halfway through the march. They walked together, holding a giant and ridiculously sweet wedding photo with the words “Newly Wed 5/18/13. Newly Legal 6/26/13.” Fresh off the Supreme Court’s ruling overturning DOMA, the crowds went crazy for these two, asking for hugs and photographs every few feet.

It has been obvious to me in the last few years that the love and faith of this couple is absolutely contagious. They have truly been a source of joy, wisdom, and (crucially) Chinese buns—in my life, in the life of our church, and in every community they touch. It has been a true privilege to serve as their pastor in every capacity, and I pray for a day when no pastor will feel compelled by church law to miss out on these sacred events in the lives of God’s people.

Vicki Flippin is associate pastor at The Church of the Village.

We Did is a project of Methodists in New Directions (MIND) dedicated to making visible our ministries to LGBTQ people and encouraging others in the UMC to transcend the institutional requirement to discriminate and make their ministries visible, too. It is part of the Biblical Obedience movement sweeping across the United Methodist Church. You can read all the We Did stories here.  We invite you to submit your own story to We Did. 

 

Justice is a divine attribute of God

We Did: Stories of United Methodists living marriage equality 

By Rev. Dr. Pamela Lightsey

lightsey-photo-1The statement last week by  the Council of Bishops requesting Bishops Wenner and Wallace-Padgett file a complaint against retired Bishop Melvin Talbert for officiating a ritual celebrating the same-sex marriage of Joe Openshaw and Bobby Prince is indicative of a leadership falling apart at the seams and grasping at straws to maintain archaic law. At worst, the council, with the exception of some very courageous dissenters, issued an attack decree against a prophet of justice, at best it admitted nothing new: the bishops and the members of the United Methodist Church “are not of one mind.” As I reflected upon the statement, I thought to myself, “Well if you all are now of the mind to encourage complaints, then get your pens ready for there are many of us!” In solidarity with Bishop Talbert and the many other clergy who have gone through the complaint process, faced church trial, been reprimanded or defrocked to ensure the rights of LGBTQ persons prevail, I share this blessed experience.

In May I was invited to co-officiate the wedding of Mary Ann Kaiser and Annanda Barclay. I had read a few months earlier about their plans to marry at the Reconciling Ministries biennial convocation, entitled “Churchquake,” and had thought at that time that I would certainly love to be present. Little did I know just how “present” I would be. On August 31, 2013, there I stood, with Annanda’s pastor, Rev. Joseph Moore (PCUSA), officiating their wedding ceremony. Prior to that, from May to that day in August, this couple committed themselves to marriage counseling, which, by necessity, included serious reflection on the bigotry that would be launched against them. Neither Mary Ann nor Annanda were or are naïve. They are very much in love with each other and God. Unfortunately, the laws of Texas would not permit their marriage. Convocation being in Washington, DC, presented the opportunity for them to both be legally married and to do so surrounded by a loving community of friends.

In many ways, I believe it the work of the Holy Spirit that led to my co-officiating their marriage. Leading up to the 2012 Presidential election, I had written a petition asking Black clergy and scholars to stand with President Obama in his support of marriage equality. This was written to thwart the National Organization for Marriage’s strategy to gain the Black vote for presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, which they thought possible by leveraging existent homophobia within the Black community against President Obama. Before drafting that petition I had been very clear that if asked I would gladly officiate a same-sex marriage. Indeed, I was one of those clergy who signed a pledge to perform same-sex marriages right after General Conference 2012. As an African-American lesbian who grew up in the 60s, I feel the United Methodist Church prohibition against officiating same-sex marriages and the laws against “self-avowed practicing homosexuals” represent simply another era of bigotry for which the church will invariably be crafting yet another “Service of Repentance” in years to come.

I agreed to co-officiate because I am an ordained clergyperson who believes this ministry of the church should not be limited to a few. As an elder, the decision to officiate a wedding is both my right and responsibility. The decision was mine to make and the consequences that come from that decision are mine to bear. I made the decision to co-officiate Mary Ann and Annanda’s wedding after a period of counseling and after being convinced that doing so was the righteous thing. That is to say that I practiced biblical obedience with a perspective of the righteousness of blessing the civil marriage of two women who are very much in love, because this conferred legal status allows these two baptized members of Christ’s body to enjoy a host of rights and protections in this nation. Justice is a divine attribute of God. I believe it is was the right thing to do to give witness – for Mary Ann and Annanda – to that state-approved act of justice . Essentially I blessed as holy and righteous the same-sex marriage that our government also accepted as a civil right when the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act. And most importantly, I blessed the love of two persons whom our church has called persons of “sacred worth.”

White, Black, male, female, lesbian, straight ally, United Methodist, Presbyterian, Southern and Northern. There we stood representing so many levels of diversity. It was a reality not lost to my reflections on that day. When the ceremony was over, the congregation burst into a spontaneous singing of “Let There Be Peace on Earth.” How appropriate. I thought to myself, “Lord, let it be in our souls, come what may.”

Pamela Lightsey is the Associate Dean for Community Life and Lifelong Learning at Boston University School of Theology and a member of the Northern Illinois Conference of the UMC.

We Did is a project of Methodists in New Directions (MIND) dedicated to making visible our ministries to LGBTQ people and encouraging others in the UMC to transcend the institutional requirement to discriminate and make their ministries visible, too. It is part of the Biblical Obedience movement sweeping across the United Methodist Church. You can read all the We Did stories here.  We invite you to submit your own story to We Did.